Mistakes of A Dumb Girl...

This is a story of a dumb girl. A girl who followed her heart instead of her head. A girl who knew better. A girl who made mistakes with good intentions. Who gave her all. This story is Me.


I have made plenty of mistakes in my life. Plenty of errors. Plenty of oh nos and whoops'. Plenty of shoulda, coulda, wouldas... The list is endless. There are mistakes in my life that I have moved past, forgotten about. There many mistakes that have gone unnoticed by other people. But why do I continue to make the same mistakes when it comes to guys? I allow the hurt and pain. I am a really strong person - on the outside. I have a tough shell. People don't know about my crying late at night because of a mistake that could have been prevented. A mistake that didn't have to happen. No matter what the situation... even if I am right... I still feel like maybe if I had done something different, if I wouldn't have made that one mistake, everything could have worked out. I continuely beat myself up over mistakes. Mistakes that had nothing to do with me. Nothing to do with my actions. My actions were pure and true. I pride myself on the truth. Maybe I am to prideful? I always say if you don't want to know the truth, don't ask me... With me you always know my intentions. I don't want anyone to ever be thrown off like I was. Lead to believe one thing and shown another, but that wasn't my mistake. And I haven't be able to get that through my thick skull. I haven't been able to just realize that my minor mistakes will never out do his major mistakes. My minor mistake was putting all my time and energy into him... Time I won't be able to get back. He made some major mistakes. Ones that he will have to learn to deal with. Ones that hurt me. Ones that made me cry. Ones that made me sick. Sick to my stomach in the worst way. One that he will have to live with. Those were his mistakes and not mine. I have to realize that's what he chose. I have to realize I did what was in my heart, and that was my mistake. I knew this is how it would end. With me on the short end of the stick. Following your heart instead of your head isn't always the best choice. I think sometimes your head is trying to protect your heart.


I made a mistake last night. A huge one at that. I decided to do something I would instantly regret. I contacted the man that hurt my heart. And it was a very childish thing. A very unlike me thing to do. It got me no where. No where at all. Except all the pain, hurt, and feelings came rushing back. Emotions that I thought I had dealt with. I thought that I had worked past them. I have been the bigger person this whole time. It pains me to know that I sunk to his level. And then what do I do? I prayed. I prayed for forgiveness. I prayed for him. For myself. I need guidance. I need everything to be alright. I prayed that I never make that same mistake again. Hopefully this mistake won't cost me. My hopes are that it will go unnoticed. I can move past it. Forget it ever happened. Or I can turn to the one man I know will help me get through it. And that's my plan.