I have never been one to struggle with words, but for some reason around a particular person I struggle for them constantly. Actually I wouldn't say its a struggle... Its more of a total avoidance. Lets go back to February, when I had the most brilliant of ideas (rolls eyes because it wasn't). I decided that I was going to put myself out there... I was going to say hi... Haha... Well as you might have already guessed that still hasn't happened (its late August). I struggle to smile at you even... Or make eye contact. Its actually a hilarious story (to everyone I tell), but not to me.
I was once told my one of my best guy friends, who I would say is a credible source to all things male, "If I guy wants you, he will pursue you..." So every time I think about that... I instantly think, ok... well pursue away... I am pursueable (if that's even a word) But honestly how can you be pursued if you never say Hi! Or make eye contact... or breath around that certain someone who has caught your attention... Hello Kendra! DUH!...
So there I was with some friends at North Town, hoping that you know who might decide to walk through the doors... But does he?... Nope... (there's a little more to the whole North Town story) So as we are sitting there going over life... I am asked if there's anyone I like... I quickly say no, but get a huge smile on my face, so of course my cover is blown... I say "well how can you possibly like someone who have never talked to." Then they get it out of me who it is... and decide we should go over some scenarios. Hilarious right? Sure... We sit there and joke for a while about it... Now every time my friend sees him she texts me and lets me know... Of course I tell her to march right over to him and tell him how amazing I am, since I can't do this myself.
So here I am months and months later... Sitting in a pew at church telling myself... Today is the day... Today you will say hi... Today you will at least smile at him... Ha. Church ends and I exit the building more rapidly then normal. I walk to the car with Michaela thinking... "You will never get anywhere... Go back in..." Do I listen to my inner more powerful voice... Nope... I get in the car and drive the 18 minutes back to my house... This is an every week occurrence...
So here I am sitting behind the computer screen, knowing a bunch of people are going to read this blog. Am I sharing to much... Possibly... I am worried... Most definitely not... I can say what I want here, and NOT be questioned about it... Not be laughed at to my face. As most of my friends do when I tell them this ridiculous story... But I can see why they think is so funny... I think its funny... I am a wimp... I am a total laughing stock! So perhaps I will say hi... Perhaps not ever now that I have shared this with everyone. I may just let it be. Go on with my everyday life... It's not like this whole ordeal keeps me up at night... (haha really people it doesn't).
So the words, "If a guy wants you, then he will pursue you..." will forever haunt me. But it couldn't be closer to the truth.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
Seriously? Retreat (blog 2)
Day Two
I get about of bed at 7:30 waking Michaela so we can get in a quick shower before breakfast... We eat, and head right into morning devotionals. I absolutely loved this. It was a 30 minute time of peaceful music and time to spend in prayer, reading the Word, or journaling. As most of you know I am a huge journalor... I can spend hours journaling my thoughts, prayers, and daily intakes on life. So I greatly enjoyed this time. Then we spent the next hour listening to Rick preach on Jonah and how he spent 3 days in the great fish's belly...
Then we all changed into our swim suits or shorts, and headed for the lake. We spent the next hour or so on the water. I paddle boated with Michaela and everyone else either canoed or paddle boated too. It was a great joy to see the kids having so much fun (and the adults too). We paddled out to Strawberry Island. The water was so calm it made for easy sailing. I enjoyed my time with Michaela... Splashing her, and laughing with her. I just love that little rascal! We headed in so I could grab my camera get a few shots of everyone on the water... After a while we headed back to the lodge and played some more games of Mafia, and indian poker... We ate lunch. After lunch we had some time to just relax.
Erin, McKenzie, Michaela, and I headed out to the Chapel. Its a beautiful spot that over looks the lake. As we were sitting there we saw a gorgeous bald eagle being chased by 2 offspray. We followed it, and the birds just kept getting higher and higher in the sky... As we were walking back to the Lodge, RIck yelled for us that it was time. Time for what you might ask... Time for the Climbing Wall and the Leap of Faith.
The kids were so very excited to climb the wall... me on the other hand, not so much.... I made it half way up and decided I didn't want to go any further... After everyone went... We headed down to the Leap of Faith. I am not quite sure how high this Leap is, but I instantly did not want to participate. I was scared, and afraid I would have a panic attack in what flet like a 100 ft in the air... The point of the Leap is to try and reach a bar 6 feet away from the platform. After watching a few people go... I decided that I could do it... I got harnessed up and headed up the tree... Never looking down... I got the top and thought, "What have I gotten myself into..." I stood there for a moment and prayed... taking a huge leap of faith... I didn't know if I could do it. I was so nervous, scared, freaked out... you name it and I was it... I heard calls of encouragement from down below... I took me 4 and half minutes to jump. I had everyone give me a countdown... and as I prepared to jump... I tried to stop myself... Of course I didn't reach for the bar... but if everyone hadn't rallied around me, I wouldnt have made it down. It was their support and encouragement that got me off the ledge... I will forever be grateful that I did it... I was up there praying, and asking God to help me get down, and He of course did, by sending everyone on the ground to help me! Thanks be to God for getting me down. After the Leap of Faith we headed up for dinner...
Dinner was pizza, amazing... I ate outside with some of the guys... They were being there usually funny selfs. Definitely reminded me of my brother and how he could never sit still during a meal. We headed inside to listen to the message about Jonah and how he went to Nineveh. Finishing up the night with Veggie Tales' story of Jonah... Popcorn and Milkduds...
We headed outside for a 1 hour game of Capture the flag, that turned into 2 games of capture the flag. I was so sneaky during the first game of capture the flag. It was the first time ever I made it the the jail on the other side. I was using the trees to hide myself as I crept to the otherside... I thought for sure I would get caught, but I didn't! YAY ME! We finished the night with a short quick game capture the flag! It was so much fun, but I was so very tired... As soon as we went in I headed for bed!
Day Three
I did not want to get out of bed.... So I slept until 8:30 when breakfast was at 9. We did morning devotionals, and finished out the story of Jonah. I did not know that Jonah was upset with God's Compassion towards the people of Nineveh. I understand it though. Because I sometime find myself upset with something I know is God's Will. It was definitely a wake up call for me. Here's how I look at it. God gave me a second chance when I didn't deserve one. I definitely need to remind myself that I am in no way better then the people of Nineveh were... (I of course didn't go around slapping people with fish... Veggie Tales version haha).
After that we ate lunch, cleaned up, and packed up to head home. I didn't want to leave... and as we were driving out Michaela told me... "I have a enough clothes for a few more days..." So did I. I am counting down the days until next summer's trip... California!!!
I just want to finish by again stating that God has blessed my life grately. I praise Him for all the work He did in these Teens lives this week, and for a the work He will continue doing in their's and mine! It was the first weekend that all my focus was on Him. I was packing up on Saturday, and it hit me that I hadn't thought about any of my worries back home. I had left them there and focused on my relationship with the Lord. It reminded me that that should be a daily thing. I shouldn't have worries and if I do I should take them to God's doorstep and leave them there. "Give all your worries and cares to God, for cares about you." 1 Peter 5:7
Thanks to everyone who made this amazing trip so amazing! To every one of the COSM leaders thank you for your continued service, for the care and love you each showed for these teens... I am amazed that the things God has planned for all of us! And to every single student, you all fill my heart with so much joy, and happiness. It was great to see the want and drive to learn more about God! The care and encouragement you all gave during the climbing wall, and the Leap of Faith!
I get about of bed at 7:30 waking Michaela so we can get in a quick shower before breakfast... We eat, and head right into morning devotionals. I absolutely loved this. It was a 30 minute time of peaceful music and time to spend in prayer, reading the Word, or journaling. As most of you know I am a huge journalor... I can spend hours journaling my thoughts, prayers, and daily intakes on life. So I greatly enjoyed this time. Then we spent the next hour listening to Rick preach on Jonah and how he spent 3 days in the great fish's belly...
Then we all changed into our swim suits or shorts, and headed for the lake. We spent the next hour or so on the water. I paddle boated with Michaela and everyone else either canoed or paddle boated too. It was a great joy to see the kids having so much fun (and the adults too). We paddled out to Strawberry Island. The water was so calm it made for easy sailing. I enjoyed my time with Michaela... Splashing her, and laughing with her. I just love that little rascal! We headed in so I could grab my camera get a few shots of everyone on the water... After a while we headed back to the lodge and played some more games of Mafia, and indian poker... We ate lunch. After lunch we had some time to just relax.
Erin, McKenzie, Michaela, and I headed out to the Chapel. Its a beautiful spot that over looks the lake. As we were sitting there we saw a gorgeous bald eagle being chased by 2 offspray. We followed it, and the birds just kept getting higher and higher in the sky... As we were walking back to the Lodge, RIck yelled for us that it was time. Time for what you might ask... Time for the Climbing Wall and the Leap of Faith.
The kids were so very excited to climb the wall... me on the other hand, not so much.... I made it half way up and decided I didn't want to go any further... After everyone went... We headed down to the Leap of Faith. I am not quite sure how high this Leap is, but I instantly did not want to participate. I was scared, and afraid I would have a panic attack in what flet like a 100 ft in the air... The point of the Leap is to try and reach a bar 6 feet away from the platform. After watching a few people go... I decided that I could do it... I got harnessed up and headed up the tree... Never looking down... I got the top and thought, "What have I gotten myself into..." I stood there for a moment and prayed... taking a huge leap of faith... I didn't know if I could do it. I was so nervous, scared, freaked out... you name it and I was it... I heard calls of encouragement from down below... I took me 4 and half minutes to jump. I had everyone give me a countdown... and as I prepared to jump... I tried to stop myself... Of course I didn't reach for the bar... but if everyone hadn't rallied around me, I wouldnt have made it down. It was their support and encouragement that got me off the ledge... I will forever be grateful that I did it... I was up there praying, and asking God to help me get down, and He of course did, by sending everyone on the ground to help me! Thanks be to God for getting me down. After the Leap of Faith we headed up for dinner...
Dinner was pizza, amazing... I ate outside with some of the guys... They were being there usually funny selfs. Definitely reminded me of my brother and how he could never sit still during a meal. We headed inside to listen to the message about Jonah and how he went to Nineveh. Finishing up the night with Veggie Tales' story of Jonah... Popcorn and Milkduds...
We headed outside for a 1 hour game of Capture the flag, that turned into 2 games of capture the flag. I was so sneaky during the first game of capture the flag. It was the first time ever I made it the the jail on the other side. I was using the trees to hide myself as I crept to the otherside... I thought for sure I would get caught, but I didn't! YAY ME! We finished the night with a short quick game capture the flag! It was so much fun, but I was so very tired... As soon as we went in I headed for bed!
Day Three
I did not want to get out of bed.... So I slept until 8:30 when breakfast was at 9. We did morning devotionals, and finished out the story of Jonah. I did not know that Jonah was upset with God's Compassion towards the people of Nineveh. I understand it though. Because I sometime find myself upset with something I know is God's Will. It was definitely a wake up call for me. Here's how I look at it. God gave me a second chance when I didn't deserve one. I definitely need to remind myself that I am in no way better then the people of Nineveh were... (I of course didn't go around slapping people with fish... Veggie Tales version haha).
After that we ate lunch, cleaned up, and packed up to head home. I didn't want to leave... and as we were driving out Michaela told me... "I have a enough clothes for a few more days..." So did I. I am counting down the days until next summer's trip... California!!!
I just want to finish by again stating that God has blessed my life grately. I praise Him for all the work He did in these Teens lives this week, and for a the work He will continue doing in their's and mine! It was the first weekend that all my focus was on Him. I was packing up on Saturday, and it hit me that I hadn't thought about any of my worries back home. I had left them there and focused on my relationship with the Lord. It reminded me that that should be a daily thing. I shouldn't have worries and if I do I should take them to God's doorstep and leave them there. "Give all your worries and cares to God, for cares about you." 1 Peter 5:7
Thanks to everyone who made this amazing trip so amazing! To every one of the COSM leaders thank you for your continued service, for the care and love you each showed for these teens... I am amazed that the things God has planned for all of us! And to every single student, you all fill my heart with so much joy, and happiness. It was great to see the want and drive to learn more about God! The care and encouragement you all gave during the climbing wall, and the Leap of Faith!
COSM's Seriously? Retreat (blog 1)
I am very blessed to be apart of Crossed Out Student Ministries at Sun Valley Church. And I was lucky to get to go on the Seriously Retreat. And boy did I have a great time. The students were so excited to be up at Camp Dudley and they were even more excited to learn about the book of Jonah. I was also excited to learn about him too. Being a newer Christian, I hadn't gotten they oppurtnity to learn about him other then when I was working in the Preschool Sunday School. So I was very excited about it.
Day One
We left for Camp Dudley at 3 on Thursday afternoon. After a quick stop at the mini mart on the way up we were headed to the wilderness. About 7 summers ago I worked up at Camp Dudley... So I was ready to get back to the beautiful place that changed my life. I was driving the girls which included my Sisters and Little K. We talked and laughed all the way up. After about an hour we arrived at the camp. We were staying in Shinn Lodge, we set up camp... (which consisted of rolling our sleeping bag out on bunk beds on the Girls' side of the dorm) Headed down stairs and played a could of games of Mafia (Harry Potter, and Dora the Explorer Type Mafia haha). Dinner was ready and we had steak quesadillas... Oh camp food how I have missed you!!! We ate and gathered for our first night of worship and our first taste of how God worked in Jonah's life.
I just have to say that Rick (Youth Pastor) did an amazing job. We spent 3 entire days in a 4 verse book. He was able to pull so much out of a passage that normally takes 15 minutes to read. We sang and listened to Rick preach. What a great time. A time to listen and praise God for being so compassionate, and for giving mercy to all. Even to all of Ninevah. We listened to Rick talk about Running from God. And boy that message hit me really hard. There are things that I do and I know I shouldn't and it's exactly like I am running from God. Filling my mind with useless TV, and music when I could be spending time with the Lord. Not praying enough, and spending enough time in the Word. We finished up with sometime to reflect, and pray, and ask forgiveness. Sang some more...
The night only got better when we headed outside for a game of sardines, and capture the flag. It was dark out, and the sky was the prettiest thing I have even seen. The sky is one of the reason I love being up in the mountains. There is nothing to obscure the stars beauty and it just reminds me of much time and care God took when He created the stars. The games of sardines went off without a hitch. No one injured or scared. haha... Well actually I did have a fright. Michaela and I were following Mark around... Hoping that he would stumble across the hiding Alex... when Mark was shining his flash light up into the hills side... my flashlight was following behind, and what did we spot what a set of freaking looking eyes.... When I took my light way, and said "did you see those eyes?" Instantly I was freaked... Mark answered, "You saw them too..." He asked me to shine my high powered flash light up there again... We thought that it would be safe to throw a huge rock at whatever it was, that was getting closer and closer to us... So lets just say for the rest of the game I was walking around with my heart pounding a little harder, and I was a bit on edge. Well after about 15 mninutes of looking for Alex we finally stumbled upon him... He said that he had heard my sister and I calling his name... we happened to walk right by him... never turning our back from him... The games of capture the flag weren't as injure free... Nothing lift threatening or anything... I took a hard spill trying to chase down Steve, but walked away with a few bruises... Its hard to play capture the flag in the dark, and in the woods, but it was most definitely a very fun night.
We headed in around 12:15, and played a few more games of mafia before I decided to call it quits for the night. The kids stayed up until late, but hey its summer, and who cares...
(I had written more, but decided to post it in a different blog)
Day One
We left for Camp Dudley at 3 on Thursday afternoon. After a quick stop at the mini mart on the way up we were headed to the wilderness. About 7 summers ago I worked up at Camp Dudley... So I was ready to get back to the beautiful place that changed my life. I was driving the girls which included my Sisters and Little K. We talked and laughed all the way up. After about an hour we arrived at the camp. We were staying in Shinn Lodge, we set up camp... (which consisted of rolling our sleeping bag out on bunk beds on the Girls' side of the dorm) Headed down stairs and played a could of games of Mafia (Harry Potter, and Dora the Explorer Type Mafia haha). Dinner was ready and we had steak quesadillas... Oh camp food how I have missed you!!! We ate and gathered for our first night of worship and our first taste of how God worked in Jonah's life.
I just have to say that Rick (Youth Pastor) did an amazing job. We spent 3 entire days in a 4 verse book. He was able to pull so much out of a passage that normally takes 15 minutes to read. We sang and listened to Rick preach. What a great time. A time to listen and praise God for being so compassionate, and for giving mercy to all. Even to all of Ninevah. We listened to Rick talk about Running from God. And boy that message hit me really hard. There are things that I do and I know I shouldn't and it's exactly like I am running from God. Filling my mind with useless TV, and music when I could be spending time with the Lord. Not praying enough, and spending enough time in the Word. We finished up with sometime to reflect, and pray, and ask forgiveness. Sang some more...
The night only got better when we headed outside for a game of sardines, and capture the flag. It was dark out, and the sky was the prettiest thing I have even seen. The sky is one of the reason I love being up in the mountains. There is nothing to obscure the stars beauty and it just reminds me of much time and care God took when He created the stars. The games of sardines went off without a hitch. No one injured or scared. haha... Well actually I did have a fright. Michaela and I were following Mark around... Hoping that he would stumble across the hiding Alex... when Mark was shining his flash light up into the hills side... my flashlight was following behind, and what did we spot what a set of freaking looking eyes.... When I took my light way, and said "did you see those eyes?" Instantly I was freaked... Mark answered, "You saw them too..." He asked me to shine my high powered flash light up there again... We thought that it would be safe to throw a huge rock at whatever it was, that was getting closer and closer to us... So lets just say for the rest of the game I was walking around with my heart pounding a little harder, and I was a bit on edge. Well after about 15 mninutes of looking for Alex we finally stumbled upon him... He said that he had heard my sister and I calling his name... we happened to walk right by him... never turning our back from him... The games of capture the flag weren't as injure free... Nothing lift threatening or anything... I took a hard spill trying to chase down Steve, but walked away with a few bruises... Its hard to play capture the flag in the dark, and in the woods, but it was most definitely a very fun night.
We headed in around 12:15, and played a few more games of mafia before I decided to call it quits for the night. The kids stayed up until late, but hey its summer, and who cares...
(I had written more, but decided to post it in a different blog)
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Blessing.
Just when I think school isn't going to be an option, God provides a way. I have been really struggling with a way to pay for school. Yes, I know I should have been saving, and I know that my parents would have payed for it. I just don't want to have to ask my Mom to write a giant tution check with THEIR hard earned money. Yes, I applied for financial aid, but with the Finanical Aid Office being so far behind I knew I couldn't count on it. Tution was due yesterday, so last week I finally asked my Mom if she could pay for it. She asked if I had heard from F.A. and I told her that I had heard that I wouldn't get it until sometime after Fall Quarter started. I told her I would get her a total and went on with my day. Well I was sitting at work, and I recieved an email from YVCC. It was notification of my financial aid. YAY! I don't think that I had ever been so excited. I immediately went to check and see how much it was for. I was definitely surprised at how much I am getting. I definitely got enough for school, books, and gas to get there. I got more then last year. I recieved the Federal Pell Grant, and the State Need Grant.
This is just a small example of the great things God is doing in my life, which made me more thankful for His continued grace. Just when I start to question if I should even be going to school, God shows me that I am right where He wants me. I definitely find comfort in that.
This is just a small example of the great things God is doing in my life, which made me more thankful for His continued grace. Just when I start to question if I should even be going to school, God shows me that I am right where He wants me. I definitely find comfort in that.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Home.
I came acrossed this video a few days ago, and I honestly cannot get it out of my mind. It's a really good song. But I really adore the below version of it, done by a dad and his daughter... So cute.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Life is Short.
I was sitting on the couch when the phone rang, I noticed it was my brother. I hadn't talked to him in ages... As I answered, I could hear the pain in his voice... He asked for our Mom between breaths... I was in a panic, I thought something was wrong with him. I asked if he was alright, and he didn't say anything... I told him Mom wasn't home, and again asked him if he was alright... I told him to call Mom on her cellphone, she was golfing... And he said ok and hung up. I immediately started pray. Asking God to protect my brother...
I looked out the window and saw my Mom had stopped half down the driveway... I could see she was on the phone... I was praying everything was alright. She walked in the house and up the stairs... I asked her if my Brother was alright. She walked over to me and looked at me with such pain in her eyes. She told me that Andy Collins had died. And I covered my face... This isn't possible. This couldn't be true. Really I asked? I felt immediate pain. Andy was one of my brothers nearest and dearest friends. Andy had spent countless days at the house, and was newly married. My brother had just been in his wedding. She went on to tell me that he died of a heart attack. A heart attack at 27? Was it even possible... I turned my phone on, and a text flashed up on the screen... it was from Nick, Andy's little brother, telling me his brother had passed away and his family needed prayer. I sat there for a long time... still not wanting to believe it was true...
You never image that someone so young and with such a bright future would be taken at such a young age, but here we are... We are left wondering why? Left with the feeling of sadness, and hurt. A week and half after he got married... Andy touched many people's life. I was lucky to get to know him, and my brother was so very lucky to call him his best friend. In time things will get easier... I find comfort in knowing Andy is in heaven with his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. No one ever imagines that someone so close to them could be taken away so quickly. Makes you realize that your days are numbered, and you can not forget to tell the people you love how much they mean to you. Life is Short, and this is a prime example.
Rest in Peace Andy.
You will be missed.
My thoughts and prayers go out the Collins Family. May God wrap His loving arms around you in your time of need.
I looked out the window and saw my Mom had stopped half down the driveway... I could see she was on the phone... I was praying everything was alright. She walked in the house and up the stairs... I asked her if my Brother was alright. She walked over to me and looked at me with such pain in her eyes. She told me that Andy Collins had died. And I covered my face... This isn't possible. This couldn't be true. Really I asked? I felt immediate pain. Andy was one of my brothers nearest and dearest friends. Andy had spent countless days at the house, and was newly married. My brother had just been in his wedding. She went on to tell me that he died of a heart attack. A heart attack at 27? Was it even possible... I turned my phone on, and a text flashed up on the screen... it was from Nick, Andy's little brother, telling me his brother had passed away and his family needed prayer. I sat there for a long time... still not wanting to believe it was true...
You never image that someone so young and with such a bright future would be taken at such a young age, but here we are... We are left wondering why? Left with the feeling of sadness, and hurt. A week and half after he got married... Andy touched many people's life. I was lucky to get to know him, and my brother was so very lucky to call him his best friend. In time things will get easier... I find comfort in knowing Andy is in heaven with his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. No one ever imagines that someone so close to them could be taken away so quickly. Makes you realize that your days are numbered, and you can not forget to tell the people you love how much they mean to you. Life is Short, and this is a prime example.
Rest in Peace Andy.
You will be missed.
My thoughts and prayers go out the Collins Family. May God wrap His loving arms around you in your time of need.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Unnoticed.
I was sitting at North Town yesterday afternoon, and I was thumbing through my journal when I came acrossed this...
Unnoticed
I was talking with my best friend about you,
You walked through the door.
I went unnoticed.
We were in a room full of people,
You were staring at your computer screen.
I went unnoticed.
Honestly, I meant to say hi,
You drank your coffee.
I went unnoticed.
You talked to my friends,
Even gave them the WiFi code.
I went unnoticed.
I got up and went to class,
You worked the night away.
I went unnoticed.
I wrote you a message,
You asked, "Were you there?"
Just confirms, I went UNNOTICED.
I wrote this in March. And maybe I didn't jump at the chance to talk to him. And honestly I still haven't. Dumb! Haha... Sometimes you pray for a chance, and God gave me an opening... I was just to chicken to take it.
Unnoticed
I was talking with my best friend about you,
You walked through the door.
I went unnoticed.
We were in a room full of people,
You were staring at your computer screen.
I went unnoticed.
Honestly, I meant to say hi,
You drank your coffee.
I went unnoticed.
You talked to my friends,
Even gave them the WiFi code.
I went unnoticed.
I got up and went to class,
You worked the night away.
I went unnoticed.
I wrote you a message,
You asked, "Were you there?"
Just confirms, I went UNNOTICED.
I wrote this in March. And maybe I didn't jump at the chance to talk to him. And honestly I still haven't. Dumb! Haha... Sometimes you pray for a chance, and God gave me an opening... I was just to chicken to take it.
Old Crushes Die Hard.
I was surfing Facebook, when I came across an updated that stated, "Such and Such went from 'in a relationship' to 'single,'"and I couldn't help but get a huge smile on my face. My first thought was I should like this. Then I thought against it. If I did that perhaps he would question our friendship, and I didn't want that to happen. Then I thought well, atleast I know that there's good men still out there for me. So I wrote him a little message just to check in and see how he was... same ol' same we had been doing for the past 7 years.
Going back to when I was 18, and the first time I saw his gorgeous face. I was a counselour up at Camp Dudley the summer after I graduated high school. I was having the best summer of my life. Getting to be up in the mountains, breathing the fresh air, surrounded by amazing people, and my favorite cousin. The summer couldn't possibly get any better, or atleast I thought that it couldn't. Until I saw Shades (definitely sticking to Camp names... for all those I worked with, its about time you all hear this story). He was so very handsome, tall, and built. I honestly I think I had to pick my mouth up off the ground when he walked in. We were at our normal before campers showup meeting, hearing about the plan of attack for the week. Darkman introduced him to us, and I just remember stuttering through my name. Man, was he handsome was all I kept thinking.
After the meeting got over, the girls headed up the hill, to get all our cabins ready for the week. I couldn't wait to talk to him, and get to know him. Well we instantly hit it off, but definitely not in the way I had imagined. Shades was 26 and finishing up his last year in college. He was doing his intership. I was definitely young for him, but I didn't give up hope. I remember spending every free second around him. He wasn't just cute he was nice, and funny... and smart. I enjoyed our time in the store selling Tshirts and candy bars. Deep down I knew nothing serious was going to come out of this. Nothing.
It was Lord of the Rings week, and the first time I saw him without his shirt. WOW! His body had to have been chizzled out of stone. I think by then a few of the girls had picked up on my infatuation with him. They tried to help out and get him to notice, but it didn't happen. I remember trying to get him to come on our overnights, and now that I think that about it how inapproiate would have that been. Campers asked if I liked any of the other counselors, since I think that there were 4 couples that summer. I remember sitting down on a log next to the horseshoe pit, and he walked up and sat down next to me. He had to have known then that something was up... He asked if something was wrong, and of course I said no... While the voice was screaming in my head " I REALLY REALLY like you!" We sat there and laughed...
After one of the overnights I got sick, so I had to go into solitary confindedment. I was in this little room, with a mattress on the floor, and a little itty bitty window. It was dance night, and I was missing it. I was laying in my bed reading a smut book that 2 of my best friends had sent me. I am laying there tangled up in my blanket, and hearing music blaring from the dining hall when a little knock came from the door. I just assumed that it was my cousin, she had visited me a few times already making sure I was ok, when I said come in... It was Shades, he had walked down to see how I was doing. Immediately I had wished I had combed my hair and brushed my teeth. He sat down on the ground and talked to me for a while. He said he had been asking about me, but wanted to make sure I was doing alright himself. I thought maybe he did care. Maybe he felt the same way I did. He hung out for a while, and I told him he should get back to the dance. He checked on me once more before the morning.
I remember the car ride to Yakima. Camp was one week from being over and we were staying the YMCA for the night. We rode all the way there with the windows down. Talking non-stop about this and that. I remember thinking... "tell him, tell him.." I never got the courage to tell him anything. I mean I told him of my upcoming plans, and how he needed to keep in touch. I remember that night... I didn't want it to end. From swimming to playing pool to just hanging out. I remember it all like it was yesterday, and the funny thing is... I haven't thought that about any of this in years. Yeah from time to time I think about camp, and all the fun I had, but never really about my first hge crush on an older man.
Well it was the last week of camp, and I was headed out a secret squirrel mission. I tried to get my night off changed so that I could hang with Shades, but it didn't work out as disappointed as I was I didn't let it stop me from having a great last week. After the cabins were cleaned, and the cars loaded, we all said our tearful goodbyes, "saying I will see you at Darkman, and Princess' wedding"... I wrote Shades a letter, had it in my back pocket, I didn't hand it to him.... I thought to myself... what would it change... We went our seperate ways... Or atleast thats what I thought...
I recieved a phone call or two from him... We decided that we were going to go to the wedding together. I picked him up and we talked about school and he talked about a girl. Definitely not what I wanted to hear. We got to the wedding, and people were asking me if we were "together," and sadly I had to tell them no. We danced, and laughed all night...
After that the phone calls didn't come as often, and I would get a random text every now and again... A friend and I were headed over the mountains, so I thought why not stop in ellensburg and see him... Well we stopped, and I don't remember ever feeling so unwelcome. We didn't stay long. It wasn't Shades that made it that way... It was his friend. Well that was the last time I saw him. Pretty much the last time I heard his voice.
Every once in a while I text him just to see how he's doing, and he always replys... So I guess in short, I never really got over my crush from 7 years ago, and I can't say that I am sorry to see that he's single again. I guess old crushes die hard.
Going back to when I was 18, and the first time I saw his gorgeous face. I was a counselour up at Camp Dudley the summer after I graduated high school. I was having the best summer of my life. Getting to be up in the mountains, breathing the fresh air, surrounded by amazing people, and my favorite cousin. The summer couldn't possibly get any better, or atleast I thought that it couldn't. Until I saw Shades (definitely sticking to Camp names... for all those I worked with, its about time you all hear this story). He was so very handsome, tall, and built. I honestly I think I had to pick my mouth up off the ground when he walked in. We were at our normal before campers showup meeting, hearing about the plan of attack for the week. Darkman introduced him to us, and I just remember stuttering through my name. Man, was he handsome was all I kept thinking.
After the meeting got over, the girls headed up the hill, to get all our cabins ready for the week. I couldn't wait to talk to him, and get to know him. Well we instantly hit it off, but definitely not in the way I had imagined. Shades was 26 and finishing up his last year in college. He was doing his intership. I was definitely young for him, but I didn't give up hope. I remember spending every free second around him. He wasn't just cute he was nice, and funny... and smart. I enjoyed our time in the store selling Tshirts and candy bars. Deep down I knew nothing serious was going to come out of this. Nothing.
It was Lord of the Rings week, and the first time I saw him without his shirt. WOW! His body had to have been chizzled out of stone. I think by then a few of the girls had picked up on my infatuation with him. They tried to help out and get him to notice, but it didn't happen. I remember trying to get him to come on our overnights, and now that I think that about it how inapproiate would have that been. Campers asked if I liked any of the other counselors, since I think that there were 4 couples that summer. I remember sitting down on a log next to the horseshoe pit, and he walked up and sat down next to me. He had to have known then that something was up... He asked if something was wrong, and of course I said no... While the voice was screaming in my head " I REALLY REALLY like you!" We sat there and laughed...
After one of the overnights I got sick, so I had to go into solitary confindedment. I was in this little room, with a mattress on the floor, and a little itty bitty window. It was dance night, and I was missing it. I was laying in my bed reading a smut book that 2 of my best friends had sent me. I am laying there tangled up in my blanket, and hearing music blaring from the dining hall when a little knock came from the door. I just assumed that it was my cousin, she had visited me a few times already making sure I was ok, when I said come in... It was Shades, he had walked down to see how I was doing. Immediately I had wished I had combed my hair and brushed my teeth. He sat down on the ground and talked to me for a while. He said he had been asking about me, but wanted to make sure I was doing alright himself. I thought maybe he did care. Maybe he felt the same way I did. He hung out for a while, and I told him he should get back to the dance. He checked on me once more before the morning.
I remember the car ride to Yakima. Camp was one week from being over and we were staying the YMCA for the night. We rode all the way there with the windows down. Talking non-stop about this and that. I remember thinking... "tell him, tell him.." I never got the courage to tell him anything. I mean I told him of my upcoming plans, and how he needed to keep in touch. I remember that night... I didn't want it to end. From swimming to playing pool to just hanging out. I remember it all like it was yesterday, and the funny thing is... I haven't thought that about any of this in years. Yeah from time to time I think about camp, and all the fun I had, but never really about my first hge crush on an older man.
Well it was the last week of camp, and I was headed out a secret squirrel mission. I tried to get my night off changed so that I could hang with Shades, but it didn't work out as disappointed as I was I didn't let it stop me from having a great last week. After the cabins were cleaned, and the cars loaded, we all said our tearful goodbyes, "saying I will see you at Darkman, and Princess' wedding"... I wrote Shades a letter, had it in my back pocket, I didn't hand it to him.... I thought to myself... what would it change... We went our seperate ways... Or atleast thats what I thought...
I recieved a phone call or two from him... We decided that we were going to go to the wedding together. I picked him up and we talked about school and he talked about a girl. Definitely not what I wanted to hear. We got to the wedding, and people were asking me if we were "together," and sadly I had to tell them no. We danced, and laughed all night...
After that the phone calls didn't come as often, and I would get a random text every now and again... A friend and I were headed over the mountains, so I thought why not stop in ellensburg and see him... Well we stopped, and I don't remember ever feeling so unwelcome. We didn't stay long. It wasn't Shades that made it that way... It was his friend. Well that was the last time I saw him. Pretty much the last time I heard his voice.
Every once in a while I text him just to see how he's doing, and he always replys... So I guess in short, I never really got over my crush from 7 years ago, and I can't say that I am sorry to see that he's single again. I guess old crushes die hard.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)