I was surfing Facebook, when I came across an updated that stated, "Such and Such went from 'in a relationship' to 'single,'"and I couldn't help but get a huge smile on my face. My first thought was I should like this. Then I thought against it. If I did that perhaps he would question our friendship, and I didn't want that to happen. Then I thought well, atleast I know that there's good men still out there for me. So I wrote him a little message just to check in and see how he was... same ol' same we had been doing for the past 7 years.
Going back to when I was 18, and the first time I saw his gorgeous face. I was a counselour up at Camp Dudley the summer after I graduated high school. I was having the best summer of my life. Getting to be up in the mountains, breathing the fresh air, surrounded by amazing people, and my favorite cousin. The summer couldn't possibly get any better, or atleast I thought that it couldn't. Until I saw Shades (definitely sticking to Camp names... for all those I worked with, its about time you all hear this story). He was so very handsome, tall, and built. I honestly I think I had to pick my mouth up off the ground when he walked in. We were at our normal before campers showup meeting, hearing about the plan of attack for the week. Darkman introduced him to us, and I just remember stuttering through my name. Man, was he handsome was all I kept thinking.
After the meeting got over, the girls headed up the hill, to get all our cabins ready for the week. I couldn't wait to talk to him, and get to know him. Well we instantly hit it off, but definitely not in the way I had imagined. Shades was 26 and finishing up his last year in college. He was doing his intership. I was definitely young for him, but I didn't give up hope. I remember spending every free second around him. He wasn't just cute he was nice, and funny... and smart. I enjoyed our time in the store selling Tshirts and candy bars. Deep down I knew nothing serious was going to come out of this. Nothing.
It was Lord of the Rings week, and the first time I saw him without his shirt. WOW! His body had to have been chizzled out of stone. I think by then a few of the girls had picked up on my infatuation with him. They tried to help out and get him to notice, but it didn't happen. I remember trying to get him to come on our overnights, and now that I think that about it how inapproiate would have that been. Campers asked if I liked any of the other counselors, since I think that there were 4 couples that summer. I remember sitting down on a log next to the horseshoe pit, and he walked up and sat down next to me. He had to have known then that something was up... He asked if something was wrong, and of course I said no... While the voice was screaming in my head " I REALLY REALLY like you!" We sat there and laughed...
After one of the overnights I got sick, so I had to go into solitary confindedment. I was in this little room, with a mattress on the floor, and a little itty bitty window. It was dance night, and I was missing it. I was laying in my bed reading a smut book that 2 of my best friends had sent me. I am laying there tangled up in my blanket, and hearing music blaring from the dining hall when a little knock came from the door. I just assumed that it was my cousin, she had visited me a few times already making sure I was ok, when I said come in... It was Shades, he had walked down to see how I was doing. Immediately I had wished I had combed my hair and brushed my teeth. He sat down on the ground and talked to me for a while. He said he had been asking about me, but wanted to make sure I was doing alright himself. I thought maybe he did care. Maybe he felt the same way I did. He hung out for a while, and I told him he should get back to the dance. He checked on me once more before the morning.
I remember the car ride to Yakima. Camp was one week from being over and we were staying the YMCA for the night. We rode all the way there with the windows down. Talking non-stop about this and that. I remember thinking... "tell him, tell him.." I never got the courage to tell him anything. I mean I told him of my upcoming plans, and how he needed to keep in touch. I remember that night... I didn't want it to end. From swimming to playing pool to just hanging out. I remember it all like it was yesterday, and the funny thing is... I haven't thought that about any of this in years. Yeah from time to time I think about camp, and all the fun I had, but never really about my first hge crush on an older man.
Well it was the last week of camp, and I was headed out a secret squirrel mission. I tried to get my night off changed so that I could hang with Shades, but it didn't work out as disappointed as I was I didn't let it stop me from having a great last week. After the cabins were cleaned, and the cars loaded, we all said our tearful goodbyes, "saying I will see you at Darkman, and Princess' wedding"... I wrote Shades a letter, had it in my back pocket, I didn't hand it to him.... I thought to myself... what would it change... We went our seperate ways... Or atleast thats what I thought...
I recieved a phone call or two from him... We decided that we were going to go to the wedding together. I picked him up and we talked about school and he talked about a girl. Definitely not what I wanted to hear. We got to the wedding, and people were asking me if we were "together," and sadly I had to tell them no. We danced, and laughed all night...
After that the phone calls didn't come as often, and I would get a random text every now and again... A friend and I were headed over the mountains, so I thought why not stop in ellensburg and see him... Well we stopped, and I don't remember ever feeling so unwelcome. We didn't stay long. It wasn't Shades that made it that way... It was his friend. Well that was the last time I saw him. Pretty much the last time I heard his voice.
Every once in a while I text him just to see how he's doing, and he always replys... So I guess in short, I never really got over my crush from 7 years ago, and I can't say that I am sorry to see that he's single again. I guess old crushes die hard.
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