"If a guy wants you... He will pursue you"

I have never been one to struggle with words, but for some reason around a particular person I struggle for them constantly. Actually I wouldn't say its a struggle... Its more of a total avoidance.   Lets go back to February, when I had the most brilliant of ideas (rolls eyes because it wasn't).  I decided that I was going to put myself out there... I was going to say hi... Haha... Well as you might have already guessed that still hasn't happened (its late August).  I struggle to smile at you even... Or make eye contact.  Its actually a hilarious story (to everyone I tell), but not to me. 

I was once told my one of my best guy friends, who I would say is a credible source to all things male, "If I guy wants you, he will pursue you..."  So every time I think about that... I instantly think, ok... well pursue away... I am pursueable (if that's even a word) But honestly how can you be pursued if you never say Hi! Or make eye contact... or breath around that certain someone who has caught your attention...  Hello Kendra!  DUH!...

So there I was with some friends at North Town, hoping that you know who might decide to walk through the doors... But does he?... Nope... (there's a little more to the whole North Town story) So as we are sitting there going over life... I am asked if there's anyone I like... I quickly say no, but get a huge smile on my face, so of course my cover is blown... I say "well how can you possibly like someone who have never talked to."  Then they get it out of me who it is... and decide we should go over some scenarios.  Hilarious right?  Sure... We sit there and joke for a while about it... Now every time my friend sees him she texts me and lets me know... Of course I tell her to march right over to him and tell him how amazing I am, since I can't do this myself.

So here I am months and months later... Sitting in a pew at church telling myself... Today is the day... Today you will say hi... Today you will at least smile at him... Ha.  Church ends and I exit the building more rapidly then normal.  I walk to the car with Michaela thinking... "You will never get anywhere... Go back in..."  Do I listen to my inner more powerful voice... Nope... I get in the car and drive the 18 minutes back to my house... This is an every week occurrence...

So here I am sitting behind the computer screen, knowing a bunch of people are going to read this blog.  Am I sharing to much... Possibly... I am worried... Most definitely not... I can say what I want here, and NOT be questioned about it... Not be laughed at to my face.  As most of my friends do when I tell them this ridiculous story... But I can see why they think is so funny... I think its funny... I am a wimp... I am a total laughing stock!  So perhaps I will say hi... Perhaps not ever now that I have shared this with everyone.  I may just let it be.  Go on with my everyday life... It's not like this whole ordeal keeps me up at night... (haha really people it doesn't). 

So the words, "If a guy wants you, then he will pursue you..." will forever haunt me.  But it couldn't be closer to the truth.