To Give or not to Give

I always give way more than I recieve. Its just in my makeup. I always give give give, and hardly take. And usually in the end, I am the one who ends up with the short end of the stick. There has been many times in my life when I have said "Never again will this happen to me!" And what ends up happening... You guessed it.. I get hurt, walked all over, used, and thrown aside. But there's something inside of me that keeps on giving. I used to not know what it was, and I am still working on the reasons for it... I definetly think it has to do with the Big Man upstairs, and His plan for me. I recently started to attend church... at first because my best friend sings in the worship band, but now I go for me. I go to find something I have never had before. Maybe an answer to my questions of why me? Why do I give so much and end up hurt so often? Yesterday at church I got an answer I had been seeking... Not sure of the song the Worship Band was singing but the words hit heavy on my heart... and brought tears to my eyes... As I looked down at my best friend I had never been so thankful for anyone. She's the reason I give. She's the constant reminder that my giving doesn't go unanswered. And the way she gives so much of herself to other people is amazing. So selfless... And never expectant of anything in return. I learned something yesterday... I learned that regardless of my setbacks... I will always have her, and she will always be there after I have given to much, and she will be my constant reminder that its ok to give and not recieve. But even more importantly I learned that I can count on God. I always knew that He was there, and I believe whole heartedly that He put my best friend in my life because I needed that reminder. A reminder to give with no expectation. To love with no strings attatched. To feel with your whole heart. I still have alot to learn, but now I feel that I can give. Give time, energy, love, laughter, and smiles.. anything and everything with no expectations.




To be continued...