Reflection.

Reflection-


Today I woke up, drug myself out of bed in hopes of feeling refreshed and anew.  Well honestly that has not happened.  I feel like I am slipping further and further away from the things I once loved and appreciated.  So I decided I really needed to sit down and figure out what the heck is wrong with me.  Figure it out... Reflect on whatever it is... and move forward.  Well as of right now I still haven't figured it out, but there's something I do know... My heart isn't heavy anymore... and I am loving my Savior more and more.  I realized that I haven't been spending enough time in the Word, I haven't been giving Him my all.  He gives me his on a daily basis, and I neglect to except that.  It's an easy fix, find the time, because I have it... to read and study and learn and grow. 


Life goes by faster then you could have ever imagined when you were growing up.  When I was just a little kid I can remember saying I wish I was a big kid... the from big kid to teenager... then from a teenager to an adult.  Well I am an adult, and I wish I was a kid again.  Because being an adult and not having all your dreams come true sucks.  Growing up you have a plan, and right now my "plan" isn't coming true.  I catch myself always thinking about "my plan", and I realize... it's not my plan that matters... It's Gods plan for me that matters, and that I have to trust in that.  That's what I have to rely on.  I say that I trust in God's plan for me... until I wake up and say, "why not me?"... I shouldn't question God's intentions for my life.  But it's easy too... it's easy to wander from the path He has laid before me...  Struggling with this daily isn't fun... and honestly that's what wearing me down.  Thinking about everything He has given the people around me, but hasn't given to me... Then out of nowhere it hits me... He has given me so much... He has given me everything I need... He gave me His life... Amazing... Self pity is an ugly trait to have... it's a nasty thing, and if allowed will swallow you whole...


But if you stay focused on the greatness the Lord has provided life isn't so bad.  Life is exactly how He wants it, and from now on I will rest in that.  The Lord loves me unconditionally... and just knowing that is enough.  I will trust in that.  I sometime sit and remind myself that He chose me... He chose me... Me of all people... What a great feeling


So as I set forth with the rest of my life, I know there will be times where I allow myself to feel bad about my situation... but it will never be anywhere close to the things Jesus went through for me... I have been really selfish lately... and that's another ugly trait.  Something I will continue ask God to rid me of.