Yesterday happened to be one of the Greatest days of my life... Why you might ask? Well I woke up with a sense of urgency. A hunger to learn... I had an extra pep in my step, and I was really looking forward to getting back to church. After missing the past two weeks because I was out of town. I couldn't wait to see my SVC family and hear Pastor John preach the word. I was looking forward to catching up on what I missed in Sunday school, and seeing some family I had been missing greatly. Well you might think that because this was one of the greatest days in my life that everything would have gone perfectly... Well it didn't according to the above, but it went better.
As I walked into the Gym, it dawned on my that this weekend was SVC's huge camping weekend, and as I looked to the front of the gym I didn't see who I had expected... A little discouraged I asked my friend Heather where Rick was.... and if his class had been moved... She again reminded me that Rick was camping and Chuck would be teaching the class today... We chatted a few more moments and I went to sit down. I even considered going over to the Youth Group building... Well I am more then glad I stayed. God has this funny way of showing me my sin when I don't really want to see it. Chuck talked about many things that are going on in my life... and really opened my heart and mind to a new thinking... Romans 6:11-14 states "In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in you mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sins, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace." HELLO KENDRA!!! I battle the same sin every week... And the funny thing is I know exactly what to do about it... I occassionally give in, and I say it won't happen again, and it does. But this time I am going to take furthers steps to ridding myself of it...
After Sunday School I sat outside... it was hot, but I wasn't ready to go into the sanctury yet. I sat there for 10 minutes, thinking and praying. Soaking up the beautiful day God had provided us with. I sat there thinking, "Kendra, you can do it!" I looked up and there was my Iddy Biddy (Kaela) and I got a smile on my face... "Show her... Be her example... She needs you..." All of this popped into my head as I stood up and told her, "I just thought that I would wait for you out here..." Iddy Biddy smiled and we walked in and sat down together... I was looking at the bulletin, and realized that Pastor John wouldn't be preaching today. And I thought, "great..."
And as you probably already know... (since this was one of the Greatest Days of my entire existence) Dr. Todd Miles preached an amazing sermon. I don't think I have ever been more impressed with a guest speaker. He preached about Adpotion... and honestly I had never thought about being "adopted" into God's family. All these converstation about adoption I had had with friends... I remember telling my friend, "I would never adopt." "I want kids of my own." "I just can't see myself being a good mom to someone else's kid." How selfish is that. How horrible were those thoughts. I left church thinking... God adopted you... God took you in and loves you. Really? Yeah, Kendra really... Sometimes you don't even realize that something is missing until God brings it right to you on a silver platter... I was definitely in the right place at the right time. Every child desevres to be loved... And I honeslty can't believe I didn't think that before.
I am sure that I will have other "great" days, and God will continue to work in my life. Things like this just prove to me that God loves me unconidtionally, and His timing couldn't be more perfect.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Looking back.
I have been neglecting this blog, and I feel bad!
God has blessed me in so many ways, how could I forget to tell the rest of the world. I have been doing a lot of soul searching and digging deep here lately, and I find myself standing as tall as ever. And not on my own, but on the shoulders of something, rather someone much more powerful then myself. Trusting in someone else is normally a very hard thing for most to do. It's easy to trust half heartedly, but to trust someone with your entire being is hard, very hard, but I think I am getting the hang of it.
I have a peace that I have never felt before. I feel love for someone that I have never felt before. I trust in the Lord completely. Now at times I fail, and I fall. And recently I fell really hard, but this time was different. I wasn't alone in my hurt, I wasn't by myself. I didn't feel that I failed myself, but someone more important. I failed the Lord. There were two things I could do about it. I could go back to being old Kendra. The Kendra that did things for herself. The Kendra that I have fought so hard to let go of. The Kendra that was about doing things because they felt good. I sat in my room with a heavy heart. I had feelings of embarrassment, shame, and defeat. This time I chose to do something I never would have before. I asked for forgiveness, and not just from God, but from everyone I hurt or lied to along the way. Did the shame go away instantly no, did the embarrassment go away instantly no. But the heavy hurt I had been caring around since the first lie flew out of my mouth went away instantly. And everything go easier after I asked forgiveness from God, then my friends.
I was told, "Kendra you have to let it go... It's in the past, and can't be changed. Let it go!" And after beating myself up, I let it go. I let that go, and with that went my past. With that I was new and improved. I hadn't realized I was dragging my past around with me until I failed. I fail everyday. I am a sinner. And I think its what I learned that has changed me yet again. Changed me into someone who is content waiting for His's plan for me to unfold. I am content with everything God has given me. I am very blessed. I wake up everyday thanking God for getting me through the night. I find blessing in the smallest of things. I find myself thanking God more and more each day. I find myself learning more and more everyday.
I was baptized a year ago Monday... I look back on that day, and I laugh. I have never been so scared in my life. So afraid to look up at my family. To look up and see the faces of people who were so happy for me. I was scared to say something wrong. Scared of everything. I was scared to give myself fully to Christ. To trust with all my being in Him. I knew thats what I wanted, and over the year thats what has come to be. I can't help, but ask myself, "what were you really afraid of?" I think I now know the answer... Failing. And at that time I don't think I realized that regardless of my downfalls, God chose me... He picked me... He loves me... I know that now... Of course I have to remind myself of that everyday. But life is so much better when you can trust in someone who knows exactly what He is doing.
God has blessed me in so many ways, how could I forget to tell the rest of the world. I have been doing a lot of soul searching and digging deep here lately, and I find myself standing as tall as ever. And not on my own, but on the shoulders of something, rather someone much more powerful then myself. Trusting in someone else is normally a very hard thing for most to do. It's easy to trust half heartedly, but to trust someone with your entire being is hard, very hard, but I think I am getting the hang of it.
I have a peace that I have never felt before. I feel love for someone that I have never felt before. I trust in the Lord completely. Now at times I fail, and I fall. And recently I fell really hard, but this time was different. I wasn't alone in my hurt, I wasn't by myself. I didn't feel that I failed myself, but someone more important. I failed the Lord. There were two things I could do about it. I could go back to being old Kendra. The Kendra that did things for herself. The Kendra that I have fought so hard to let go of. The Kendra that was about doing things because they felt good. I sat in my room with a heavy heart. I had feelings of embarrassment, shame, and defeat. This time I chose to do something I never would have before. I asked for forgiveness, and not just from God, but from everyone I hurt or lied to along the way. Did the shame go away instantly no, did the embarrassment go away instantly no. But the heavy hurt I had been caring around since the first lie flew out of my mouth went away instantly. And everything go easier after I asked forgiveness from God, then my friends.
I was told, "Kendra you have to let it go... It's in the past, and can't be changed. Let it go!" And after beating myself up, I let it go. I let that go, and with that went my past. With that I was new and improved. I hadn't realized I was dragging my past around with me until I failed. I fail everyday. I am a sinner. And I think its what I learned that has changed me yet again. Changed me into someone who is content waiting for His's plan for me to unfold. I am content with everything God has given me. I am very blessed. I wake up everyday thanking God for getting me through the night. I find blessing in the smallest of things. I find myself thanking God more and more each day. I find myself learning more and more everyday.
I was baptized a year ago Monday... I look back on that day, and I laugh. I have never been so scared in my life. So afraid to look up at my family. To look up and see the faces of people who were so happy for me. I was scared to say something wrong. Scared of everything. I was scared to give myself fully to Christ. To trust with all my being in Him. I knew thats what I wanted, and over the year thats what has come to be. I can't help, but ask myself, "what were you really afraid of?" I think I now know the answer... Failing. And at that time I don't think I realized that regardless of my downfalls, God chose me... He picked me... He loves me... I know that now... Of course I have to remind myself of that everyday. But life is so much better when you can trust in someone who knows exactly what He is doing.
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