Its a Battle.

On a day to day basis I struggle with my relationship with God. Everyday I think I might finally have gotten it. I think I am on the right path. I said yesterday being a Christian is hard. It was easier being the way I used to be. It was easier to not have to care. Easier to just do whatever and have no worries. But do I want to live the life I was living... NO... Do I want to be the person I used to be?... NO! I want to be what God has intended me to be. I try hard everyday to do the best I can to Glorify Him. Thats my purpose.

I was driving yesterday and the road led me to Borders. Had I planned on going there no. And as I was walking through the parking lot I was thinking... What am I doing here... And then I was like I guess I just need a good book to read... Well I walked it browsed around and went over to the bibles... I spent the next 45 minutes looking at the bibles. Reading the different versions... Texting a friend asking her what version she has... I really think that God wanted me to spend more time in His Word. Something that I struggle with. So I bought a new bible... and I spent a lot of last night reading... and reading... I even decided that I needed to get a new study bible. I need to make more of an effort. I need to do better, and be better. My life needs to be lived for God. I have to strive to be all I can be for Him.

This is where my constant struggle comes in... Trying to be better for Him. I have always lived for myself. And now with all my heart and my soul, I want to live for Jesus Christ. I am proud to say that I am a Christian. I am proud to say I believe in God. He's my first thought when I am about to do something I know He wouldn't approve of. When I am about to step back into the person I used to be. I will continue to work things out because He's on my side. I will continue to be the best I can be. I love the person I have become and its all because of the Lord. I owe my life to Him. My faith never waivers because I know God to be true. I know as long as I believe I will one day end up home. I am really happy. I am happy because of everything God has provided me. I just need to do better. I need to spend more time in His word.

Hopeful.

I have been running around lately. Going from here and there and then back again. My life is about to change in a major way, and I am ready for it? I don't know. Is it really what I want? I really do think so. For the first time in my life and I am trusting in someone else. Someone with so much power. Someone who would never lead me in the worng direction. God. I say it to myself everyday. "Lead me." And I tell myself everyday that God has my life planned out. My life isn't in my hands. I am the happiest I have ever been and I am my life isn't perfect. There's things that I want that I don't have. And I just have to trust that the Lord will provide. I know He will... I still occasionally have the I want something and I want it now... and I try to make whatever it is happen, and then reality snaps me back into place... My timing isn't perfect, but God's is. And I have to remind myself about that everyday. That's something that I am still getting used to. I really think thats what's been the toughest. And I am working on it.