In Life.

Sometimes in life you don't get the things that you think you deserve. Like the guy that you have liked for almost a year now or an endless bank account over flowing with money. And sometimes you allow yourself to sit and pout. You allow yourself to get caught in the things that really don't matter. I do that, and for some reason I continue to do it. Things in life aren't fair, and God has His reasons. And the one thing that I struggle with is that God is allowed to put you through struggles, put you through the lowest lows... The one thing that I have to remember is that he doesn't do it because he's melicous or because he wants a good laugh. There's lessons to be learned. He's giving you the reasons to lean on Him. To turst in Him.

I know that my plan is all figured out... Where I am going to be in 10 minutes, and the months and months I have left to live are all figured out. The perfect man for me... the chance to be a great mother... Or perhaps none of that. I don't know and I will learn to be happy with whatever Christ gives me. The most important thing is that I continue to be happy in Him. Not in worldly things. Not in the things that won't mean anything.

I need to be able to lean on God. . . . all the time. . . . I need to do better at studying His word. And at loving HIM and everyone else.

Something New.

Christmas is only a few short days away and I am not ready. I still have tons on my list to do. Tons of treats to be made, and presents to be wrapped. I haven't had much time here lately with basketball 24/7. Well thats what it seems like anyway. I am enjoying every minute of it though. Anyway back to Christmas and what its really about. I used to be one of the selfish children. The one who would get mad if they didn't get exactly what she wanted. The one who would pout because her brother got more gifts. And honestly it wasn't until I had a job that I learned what Christmas was all about (or atleast I thought I did). Giving. Not getting. Which is a vast improvement from my younger years. I enjoy giving. Giving and giving.

I believe this is the first year that I look at Christmas totally different. Christmas isn't about Santa. Reindeers. Or elves. Its about the birth of Jesus Christ. The birth of the man who died for my sins. This is the first year that I will be more then thankful for that. The first Christmas that things have been a little different. Christmas for me has a different meaning. And I honestly feel that Christmas has a different meaning for my family.

As we were walking out of Costco yesterday... the lady at the door said "Have a great Christmas" and I looked at my Mom and said, "What if you don't celebrate Christmas?" Her reply, "To Bad..." And as we walked over to the car I leaned over to my littlest sister and said "I celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ..." My Mom must have heard me because she turned around and said "That's right." If that doesn't make you happy then I honestly don't know what will. My family might not attend church, they might not read the bible as frequently as I do, but I know they have a special place in their hearts for Christ. Each and every day God shows me a little more. He gives me that glimmer of hope. He tells me not to give up on them. And I won't. I can't.

This years Christmas is going to feel different for sure. Yesterday my littlest sister and I were in Shopko and we were walking around, and we walked passed these flannel jackets. Flannel jackets remind me of my Papa. We would get him a new one almost every year. I stopped to touch them, and I for some reason smelt my Papa. . . . I smelt his musky smell. . . . The smell didn't linger it was there and then it was gone. This year will be hard. This year will be the toughest. I miss him so much.

For some reason at the right time my 3 year old nephew reminds me what its like to love someone or something so much... He was over visiting on Sunday and he told me "When you love somebody, they are in your heart forever." Now this isn't the first time he has said something that has brought on instant tears... but I will save that one for a blog of its own.

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND GOD BLESS!

Winter.

Snow and I aren't friends. We never have been and I am pretty sure we never will be. I never enjoyed playing in the snow when I was a kid. We would get pulled by a tracor on entertubes... I would sit with my uncle in the cab of the tractor, and he would ask me every so often if I was ready to ride. My answer would always be no. I never wanted to go sledding. I love to look at snow, and drink Hot Chocolate. I don't like to be cold. I don't like to be bundled, and I hate wearing socks. And now as an adult I would have to say that I am so thankful for 4 wheel dirve. Its almost safe to say I hate winter. Spring is my season. I can't wait until the flowers start blooming and the sun shines all day.

Tied Together.

About a week ago I got a call from my best friend. It was late (her time), so I figured it was something important. And its crazy because what she called about was exactly how I had been feeling. Its crazy that we can go through the same ups and downs, and be thousands of miles apart. I find it odd that we could be thinking about eachother at the exact same moment too. Like this morning I was thinking about her while I was driving to work, wishing that I could talk to her, and what is she doing thinking the exact same thing. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. Life is great when you have someone that you can trust. I know that God placed Carrie in my life a long time ago, but I never really realized how important she was to me until she moved away. I just think that our friendship has got a tighter bond now.

I remember her moving like it was yesterday. We woke up really early to head to Seattle so she could get on a plan to fly to DC. I just remember standing in our room, now only with my stuff, and a box of Carrie's winter things... I was looking out the window trying to hold back my tears. I was feeling sorry for myself. I was upset because my best friend was leaving me. I got my crying under control and walked out to the car where Carrie was waiting for me. I think there was about 3 times I was broke down without anyone noticing. I remember I told Carrie, that she could make new friends, just not a new best friend. I told her not to try and replace me. After picking up Nancy, and heading to Costco for a last minute laptop purchase, we were headed to the airport. I felt like my heart was being ripped out as Carrie walked through the security check point. I knew I would see her again. I just knew at very moment are lives weren't going to be on the same paths anymore. Carrie was off to the big city, and I was staying in our comfort zone. I knew at that moment I wanted to do bigger and better things. I want to make changes. I needed to make changes. Even though I was so sad Carrie was moving. I am glad she did. She made me realize I wanted to make changes to. She gave me the little push I needed to decide I was going back to school.

I cried for about 15 times on the way home. I am a sappy person... I kept telling Nancy I just don't want Carrie to replace me... Nancy looked at me and said "Kendra, Carrie might make new friends, and good ones... but there's one thing you'll always have that they don't... You knew her then, and they just know her now." And right then I knew no matter how far Carrie moves away from me... we will always be best friends. We will always depend on eachother regardless of distance. She will always be my go to girl. I will always love her like a sister. She has done things for me that I will be forever greatful for. Our bond is unbreakable.

Lately I have really missed her. Christmas is fast approaching. And I honestly cannot wait! Hurry home C!

Here we go.

Well I am at work... planned on listening to Pandora like always... Well I only have 5 hours of play time left this month, and 8 hours of work left for the week... so K-Love it is...








As I am sitting at my desk, with all my work done for the day... (I only work 4 hours a day and I have been here for an hour) Sitting and thinking about everything going on in my life. Everything. From the good to the bad. Thinking about taking my sisters to the cornmaze tonight... Should be fun! I always enjoy the time I have with my littles.



Missing Carrie for sure. I really wish she was here. I would love to sit at Northtown and talk about nothing. Just sitting with Carrie would be enough. Laughing with Carrie would be enough. Well just being in the presence of my best friend would be enough. She's doing great, and I am so happy for her... but secretly... I was hoping she'd want to come home. I am glad she doesn't though... I am proud of her... so so very proud of her. Just proves that God will take care of you. He has surely proved that here.



My eyes have been bugging me lately... I think its time for glasses... and not just readers. Actual glasses... We'll see... last time I went to the eye doctor my vision was more then perfect. I was just told to stop reading so much. I miss reading so much. Maybe I should start reading again. I for sure have enough time.



Basketball starts in 3 short weeks. Meetings start next week.

Music: My Love. My Life.

A Playlist of My Life
(Written 2/28/10 at 9:57pm)

Music. In the car. In the shower. iPod. CDs. Radio. Pandora. While I am writing this blog. I surround myself with music. It calms me. Makes me smile. I am constantly putting on concerts when noone is watching. Music allows me to go where I want. Feel what I want. Every song is my favorite. My life is one giant playlist. I have a song for every thought. A song that would fit with any major or minor event in my life. I love music. Every one of my friends has a song. I put music to my heartbreaks, and to my happiest of memories.

As I was driving back from Spokane today I was listening to Kellie Pickler. Just myself, the road, and Kellie. It was the first time I had listened to her whole CD. So many songs fit my life. So many of her songs made me go "hmm... I have been there." Its weird when you can relate to everyone of her songs. I could put them all with a moment in my life. This time was different though. I didn't put on a concert. I just listened. Listened to every word. Heard every word. I love music that makes me think.I have decided to make a list. A list of recent songs that can be put to my life. And a little explination of why I have chose that song for that particular moment. I am not going to go back to far... just far enough...

I'm your Woman by Kellie Pickler... to the guy who hasn't quite realized why I am in his life.

Need You Now by Lady Antebellum... everytime I have ever texted or called someone when I knew I shouldn't have.

In Color by Jimmy Johnson... Just reminds me of my Grandparents. They are amazing people with great stories. Stories I could listen to over and over.

Sleeping with a broken heart by Alicia Keys... Recently I was sleeping with a broken heart... and I played this song over and over and over... It really only made things worse...

Ignition Remix by R Kelly... Junior year reminds me of joy riding with Lila and Megan.

Butterfly by Mariah Carey... Broke up with a boyfriend on Valentines Day... Then decided that I wanted him back. (haha I can't believe I am admitting this)

Anything to do with Pride and Prejudice... Carrie. My best friend ever. Makes me smile.

Present Date

I read this back and all I could think of was wow... Kellie Pickler... for sure there had to of been someone better I could have listened to... but then there must have been something about her music that stuck out to me... Jumping back today. I think I would have to go with Francesca Battistelli... Her CD Paper Heart has to be my all time favorite... I could pretty much put everyone of her songs to something that has been happening in my life...

Time in Between... Seriously this songs reminds me to remember what Jesus has done for me. It reminds me not just about how He died for my sins, but what he did in btween.

Someday Soon... Now this song would be for my future love... Hopefully one day I can play it for him and he won't think I am crazy...haha

Then I would say lets give a more updated play list of my life to date!

Revelation Song (by whoever, I love it regardless)... reminds me of Church, and everytime we sing it... I get this big ol' smile on my face, normally I look over at Debbie and give her that same big ol' smile! I get a little giddy inside when I sing it!

Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood... makes me think of the countless times Carrie and I would sing "man hater songs" at the Stoney! And now that Carrie has moved all the way acrossed the country it means a little more to me when I hear it or Gunpowder and Lead by Miranda Lambert... or Taylor Swift...

Hometown Glory by Adele... I could play this song on repeat for the rest of my life and not get tired of it... Makes me think about my little hometown!

Not Ready to Make Nice by The Dixie Chicks... this goes out to the last jerk who made me sad!

If I Die Young by The Band Perry... makes me think of what would happen if I died young... would people remember me?

Starry Night by Chris August.. continues to be my go to song when I need a little pick me up!

And anything that Praises God! I find myself listening to worship music most of the time!

Anything Lady Antebellum... reminds me of the amazing concert I went to with my Best Friends! Getting yelled at to sit down... priceless!



I love music so much that when my sisters and I "Play" a game... If a song comes on the radio that we love one of us will say "let's play"... then music gets turned up and the windows all get rolled down... and we sing as loud as possible! Definitely something I hope we will continue to do!

My music has helped me get through the roughest of times, the happiest of times... and the times when theres nothing else to do, but have a good jam session... :)

Stolen Idea. (don't judge me)

I stole this idea from my friend Neil. Sorry Neil!

Sometimes I laugh at my own jokes.

Sometimes I wish you were here.

Sometimes I try to hard.

Sometimes I get jealous.

Sometimes I feel like I am a walking mustard seed.

Sometimes I wear mismatched socks.

Sometimes I wish I was a kid again.

Sometimes I want you to call.

Sometimes I just need a hug.

Sometimes I get nervous.

Sometimes I forget what I wanted to tell you.

Sometimes I read my bible and pray.

Sometimes I am in awe of your abilities.

Sometimes I really wish you would notice me.

Sometimes I paint my ring finger a different color from the rest of my fingers.

Sometimes I count just because.

Sometimes I imagine what I would be like if I was from the south.

Sometimes I wish I had my own TV show.

Sometimes I steal other peoples ideas.

Sometimes I don't want to get out of my pjs.

Sometimes I find you amazing.

Sometimes I crave beef jerky and orange juice.

Sometimes I pretend to like something when I don't, just because I like you.

Sometimes I fall down stairs.

Sometimes I sprain both of my ankles.

Sometimes I am to prideful to ask for help.

Sometimes I wish I was a trained ballerina.

Sometimes I wish I still lived in Spokane.

Sometimes I think about how I would react if you asked me out.

Sometimes I imagine how it would be to carefree.

Sometimes I spend time at my Grams house.

Sometimes I don't spend enough time at my Grams house.

Sometimes I am sad.

Sometimes I want to push everything off the shelves at the grocery store.

Sometimes I talk to much.

Sometimes I look at my high school yearbooks.

Sometimes I want to become a runner.

Sometimes I like exactly who I am.

Sometimes I get really frustrated.

Sometimes I neglect those I love most.

Sometimes I am afraid I might get hit by a car.

Sometimes I sit and think.

Sometimes I just sit.

Sometimes I want more tattoos.

Sometimes I hide my feelings from everyone.

Sometimes I don't say enough.

Sometimes I sugarcoat things.

Sometimes I don't.

Sometimes I try hard to be a good listener.

Sometimes I just want to be heard.

Sometimes I try to forget about you because its easier that way.

Sometimes I don't want to forget about you.

Sometimes I just want to tell you, but then I remember what you told me.

Sometimes I want to be a rule breaker.

Sometimes I say just what I think you want to hear.

Sometimes I wish you would notice me.

Sometimes I am glad you haven't.

Sometimes I cry.

Sometimes I cry for you.

Sometimes I lose track of time.

Sometimes I have to much time on my hands.

Sometimes I wish hanging out with you would fill my extra time.

Sometimes I get long winded.

Sometimes I say what I need to say without saying what I really wanted to say.