Friends.

I have always joked about not having friends. Not having enough friends. But in reality how many friends does one really need? This week I have realized who my true friends are. The ones that I can really lean on. The ones that I can cry with. The one that make you laugh even when you want to cry. The ones that make you forget. The ones that pray for you. Those are the friends that I want. Those are the friends that count. So in reality one doesn't need a ton of friends. Just a few core friends to help you get through the rough times. Just a few that are around regardless of the cost. I am truely blessed in the friends department.

Laughing... one minute.

Crying the next.


Forgetting how to smile... one minute.



Having the biggest smile the next.


True Friends handle the rollercoater of emotions. Sometimes they even come along for the ride.

Yay Me!!

Life changes are happening. I am making changes and doing things I would have been to scared to do a few months ago... I have been living a comfortable life. No worries. Always knowing that everything will be taking care of by my parents.

Well awhile back I decided I was ready to move. Actually the biggest thing was I was ready to find a new job. I started looking 2 weeks ago and whamm bam I found one... And I applied, got a call 20 minutes later, and a interview 2 days later. Talk about meant to be... Well my interview involved me showing off my skills. So of course I turn to my best friend and ask her if I can cut and highlight her hair.... with little hesitation she said yes! (by the way I have wanted to chop Carrie's hair off for a really long time now). Well the day before my interview... I was unexpectedly nervous. Not nervous about not getting the job because I know my skills. I was nervous about getting the job... I told myself if I get this job my life is about to change drastically. I freaked myself out... I might have even had a mini panic attack... I called my best friends and they all said the same thing... take it one day at a time, you first have to get the job before you move. Exactly... get the job, than worry about everything else.

Interview day came and went. I did amazing, and felt that if they didn't hire me it would be there loss. I got a call the next day, they didn't offer me a job, but told me that they were looking for more people like me... She actually said, "you know Kendra... you aren't the average hair dresser and we are looking for more people of your caliber..." Now if that doesn't make you feel great I don't know what will... She said that I would be hearing by the following week.

I hadn't heard anything by Wednesday. And I could tell that it was beginning to effect my mood. I kept trying to be positive. Saying that if this wasn't the job, I would find another one... but I really wanted this one... Thursday came and around 11... I got a call from a number that I didn't recognize... I answered it, and it was the call I had been waiting for... I got the job! I start April 30th. I am super excited!

Now the apartment search can officially begin.... I am excited for that too... I am excited to finally step into the big world with both feet!

Yesterday.

I lay in bed thinking about all the ifs, ands, and buts of life. The ones of my life run through my head. I write them down. I type them out... I ask God about them. Pray for an answer to most of them. I still question myself. Ask myself what can you do to make your life better? Are you doing everything possible? And most of the answers are what I had hoped they would be... I am trying so hard to fix mistakes that I made in the past. Trying to change so that I won't make the same mistakes in the future...


I lay here thinking about God. Thinking about a conversation I had yesterday with two of my new found friends. Talking about baptism. Talking about me wanting to be baptized. Talking about me excepting Jesus Christ as my saviour. It brought a smile to my face, but its did something unexplainable to my heart. Its a feeling I have never felt. Not a weird feeling... a feeling of comfort- of peace. Actually those words don't even explain it... Talking to my friends about Jesus, and telling them things I haven't said yet... Things I have wanted to say. Things I have needed to say. I was waiting for the right time. And they were there ready to listen. I will never forgot yesterday. Yesterday.


I feel like I need to back up a bit. And talk all the stuff leading up to yesterday. I won't go back to far... maybe a few weeks or a month. It all started with my best friend. She asked me to go church with her to hear her sing. That's all it took. One time.... I denied it at first, fought it for a while, but God was reaching for me... Reaching for me with arms wide open. I missed a few Sundays after that... On February 13th... I asked if I could go again. I believe by then I was ready and since that day I haven't wanted to miss another service another chance at working on my relationship with God. Getting to know Jesus Christ. And now I want to know everything.

The weekend before Easter Sunday. I think that's the day I fell in love with Jesus Christ. The day I found a new love for God. A new love for the church. And I grew that much more thankful for my best friend. I cried during the service. I felt like Pastor John was talking right to me... I will never forget the feeling of Holy Spirit at work in me... My life is changing... Never again will I be the same person I was a few short months ago...

Easter Sunday. My first Easter ever at church. Definely something amazing happened. Sunrise Service. Sunday school. Normal 10:30 Service. Except it wasn't. There was something moving in the air... Pastor John message couldn't have been more clear. I understood everything he was asking. Feeling every bit like I belonged. Feeling emotions of pure joy. Crying tears of happiness. Really understanding the Jesus died for my sins. On Easter Sunday everything made a little more sense.

Yesterday, will be a day I won't forget. It was a Monday. And I was really ready to talk. Talk about Jesus Christ. I was ready to share my story. Share my love... Share the hope I have for my future. Talk about the trust I have in God. I was ready to talk about how I don't ever feel alone and lost anymore. I talked about how happy I am now that I know God has a plan for me... And I believe in that plan. So thanks Debbie and Jake. Thank you for opening up your hearts... You both don't know how long I have been wanting to talking about my love for God!

Tables. Tables and chairs. Putting together a table and four chairs. Learning some much while putting together a diningroom table and its four chairs. Saturday happened to be the funiest day. Normally such happiness wouldn't come out of putting together a table and its chairs, but I have to say that it was definetly a learning experience, a growing one at that. I don't think I have ever laughed so hard. Laughed at things that might normally not been so funny. It was the longest Saturday ever, not because it was the most trying or anything of that sort, but because it was so fun. Fun to be around two amazing people with so much to live for.

24

Birthdays. Some people dread them. I embrace them. I love birthday parties. So this year I am having one. A small one. Only close friends and family. A time to celebrate me. I will be 24 this year. And I am excited. To most 24 isn't an exciting birthday, but to me 24 is going to be my best year yet. I always figured I would be married by 24. Have atleast one kid by 24. Definetly not be living at home at 24. Sometimes plans don't work out. I have learned that only one plan matters... His plan. So I have thrown away all my unrealistic plans, and I have decided to really trust in God's plan. To roll with it... It took me almost 24 years to realize this. So thats why 24 is going to be my best year. I am living my life a little differently. Living my life the way it was intended. 24 is something to celebrate.


(I hope I get the bicycle I have been asking for... haha)

Unexpected...

I recieved an email from an old friend last week. A friend that I had since middle school. And since we graduated high school we have talked here and there. It was an email that started out like any other, with the how are you type questions. We had been dicussing doing her hair, (as most of you know I am a hairstylist) and she was trying to step up a date. Well then the email turned into something I would have never expected... It was a pleasant surprise to say the least. Here's what she said:

Also, Kendra...I just wanted to say that I am so happy for you. It sounds like you are truly trying to make a difference in your life. I can relate to all your posts. I often just make myself have a bad day for no reason because I allow myself to have negative thoughts. You have always been such a fun happy person to be around and I just want you to know that you have always brought a smile to my face. I do not think you have a clue how many peoples lives you impact with your giving spirit! You were always the person that took care of everyone's hair before basketball games, dances...etc. I know that is a silly example but it is the truth you always put people before yourself.

It was a great feeling to know that someone noticed my giving heart. Someone that I would have never expected. We went on to chat and I realized that we are both in the same spot in our lives. We are both trying to make a difference, both reaching for the same goals. We are both changing for the better, surrounding ourselves with positive people, and loving our new found selves. I went on the tell her that my only struggle is how to balance my new self with my old self. I don't want people to put me down and call me a fake because I have changed. She went on to tell me that the people I want in my life will except me for who I am, and the ones that don't I probably don't need them in my life anyway. I had never really thought about it like that.

My life has changed, and it will continue to change. I have become someone I have longed to be my whole life. Someone I can be proud of. I have been searching for this girl for a long time. I have a long way to go still, and I am striving to be the best I can be everyday. I am making the changes needed. I am not fighting them. I love myself for the first time in a really long time. I love my whole self not just bits and pieces.

I'll cry for you...

Last night at my Mom's 50th birthday celebration my sister and her family were about to leave. My little newphew Giovanni ran over to give me a kiss and a hug before he left... He looked at me right in the eyes and said "I'll cry for you Kendra!, I'll cry for you!" It about broke my heart... I could see tears welling up in his little eyes. At first I didn't know what to tell him... And then I promised him I would come and visit. I asked him if that would be ok... and all he kept saying was "but I'll cry for you Kendra!" I grabbed him, hugged him again, pulled his hood over his head and told him that I would come over and visit him. He finally agreed and off he went... as he walked away he turned back and said one more "I'll cry for you!" but this time there was no more tears, just a smile, and a promise from his aunt. This whole situation made me think. It made me realize that I don't spend enough time with my nieces and nephews. I have to make time for them. I will make time for them. They are are all so special to me. I go weeks without seeing them. And before I know it they aren't going to want to hangout with their aunt. So from now on I am going to make an effort to see them more. Time is precious.